Insight on the Train - Stereotypes

I realised that we use the phrase "this actually further entrenches gender stereotypes"very often when we discuss the impact of articles/novels. However, I never did really understand what it meant until a recent train ride home.

Heard / eavesdropped on the conversation between the OLs (office ladies) seating next to me on the train.

A : I am not good with directions , always get lost la...

...

A: But its okay, girls are not good with directions anyway. They will forgive me one *laughs*

People use gender stereotypes as 'justifications/explanations' for their actions/character. They blame their actions/faults on their gender, race, age etc (basically any stereotype), instead of taking it upon their responsibility to change and improve. And this further entrenches the stereotypes for it becomes normal for people to behave as to their stereotypes. A vicious cycle that repeats itself and further entrenches the stereotypes.

Self help books - Easy way out?

Read this from a fellow course mate's blog :

"Essentially, gender miscommunication occurs when an individual requires something from the other party, be it love, support or trust. However, if both parties are able to treasure the other party more than one’s own problems, could the problem be less accentuated? Its not a matter of gender differences but a matter of understanding human’s innate selfishness to protect an individual desire, rather than seeking to understand someone we choose to love."

My thoughts
We humans like neatly packaged answers to solutions. Why? That would be a whole post in itself but perhaps it reassures us to know that there is a perfect way of handling our problems, especially the emotional/relationship issues that are eluding mysteries to many. No wonder the appeal of self help books that offer concise even step by step solutions. 

But is it the easy way out? I don't discount the relevance and usefulness of certain self help books but if one only relies on said books, it is a easy way out.  Why? Because it requires much lesser effort to read a book for answers than taking the time and effort to understand your partner. It is also more emotionally reassuring than to allow the uncertainty and discovery of each other's quirks/personalities/etc.

As i mentioned in Assignment 1, relationships are not like the laws of physics that pretty much govern the runnings of the universe. Relationships have a lot of variables and there is no one solution that can apply to every relationship, at least not the way that John Gray phrases it. His advice is so generalised , they would probably work if you and your partner are like the gender stereotypes that he uses. If not, I would say that you are better off using his advice as a framework but not a definite answer.

As my course mate mentioned, "if both parties are able to treasure the other party more than one’s own problems, could the problem be less accentuated? " That I have to agree with. I guess if one is looking for the solution to relationship problems, it would be (at least to me) this word called love.  

Because of love, you would not always put your desires before that of his and you would learn to compromise. 

Because of love,  you would learn to deny what you want now to build something in the future with him. He too does the same. 

Because of love, even when he does things that hurt you / not what you desire, you have that reassurance that under it all, he loves you.

Because of love, you would take the time and effort to understand him - know what makes him tick/happy/sad/etc. Even if this requires the both of you to make mistakes and discover  more about each other for how can the relationship grow without that?

Because of love , you would take ownership of your relationship. For at the end of the day, each relationship is different. Who knows how to better handle your relationship than you? It is your relationship. 

Of course the assumption here is that the two of you love each other, be it one more so than the other or anything. I am not discounting the usefulness of self help books just that the reader can't just rely on the book for answers but seek to discover answers herself/himself too.

How apt, Valentine's day is today. So to everyone, may love be with you always in all forms and people :]!

Comments : Your typical female analysing monosyllabic responses to death

Chanced upon this interesting blog via a friend and this blog post caught my attention. It is posted below.


The blogger 's seemingly casual statement "I'm starting to think that I only attract losers." and the friend's monosyllabic response "Ouch." had the blogger "very obsessed with dissecting" the response. Is the guy friend attracted to her perhaps?


What follows is a "scientific study" done by the blogger to see if she was reading too much into the monosyllabic response. She choose 3 guys who "come from wildly different social spheres, thus providing a suitably varied sample space for [her] to perform [her] little social experiment. [She] also trust that these guys are not attracted to [her], hence eliminating bias."


I feel that the blogger Miss Hegin , reacted the way perhaps most girls would, drawing out day dreams of a possible affection the friend has in her.  Not to be sexist or anything my dear course mates, but just that some females , like myself :] we like the idea that someone fancies us. Nothing makes me happier (of course excluding a A for this module , and that my core mods are as fun as this mod or ...)


What surprised me is how she turns this event into a little social experiment with 'subjects' and 'data'. But in the end , her conclusion after all the 'research' : "is it safe to say that this guy has some modicum of interest in me?"


Woman, or maybe just myself (for the sake of simplifying this commentary, let's generalise shall we? Not that all woman are like this , oh ,please no) we analyse a lot into what man say. Arh, those monosyllabic responses are like the holy grail, so many things that we can analyse. From the tone, the inflection of the voice, what he might have been thinking about when he said that, how he was feeling then ... Never ending. 


Why do we do that? A very good question to ask. Perhaps emotional fantasies keeps us occupied? Nothing like a who "does he like me" dilemma to spice up the conversations or our lives. Or something that we can in way brag about? Or perhaps we females just think a lot and like reading between the lines? Or perhaps ... Dear friends, feel free to let me know how you feel about this :]]


Is it a female tendency to analyse things that man say to death?Looking at my own experiences,  I have a tendency to do so. I cannot say thus for all females but seems like this is a common trait of females. Especially when it comes to emotional/relationship matters, I have to make a conscious effort to stop over analysing responses from man , be it monosyllabic or not. Why? I guess that is something we can further discuss next time :] (To be frank , I am not very sure myself either)

Blog post : Your typical female analysing monosyllabic responses to death

Your typical female analysing monosyllabic responses to death.

"I'm starting to think that I only attract losers."

"Ouch."

I've been very obsessed with dissecting the reaction to my seemingly casual statement. My initial reaction was: hmm, if he is feeling personal agony, it must mean that he is attracted to me. Backwards logic, you see? If he is feeling personal agony, he thinks that I think that he is a loser. And for me to think that he is a loser, he must be attracted to me.

Then I started thinking, well, maybe it's just a standard cookie-cutter nice-guy response to be sympathetic to the guys whom I think are losers. Maybe it was less of a personal-agony ouch than a I-feel-the-pain-for-them-losers ouch. In order to clarify any doubts, I handpicked three prime guys from my phonebook and put forth the same statement. These guys come from wildly different social spheres, thus providing a suitably varied sample space for me to perform my little social experiment. I also trust that these guys are not attracted to me, hence eliminating bias.

The question: "What if I told you that I'm starting to think that I only attract losers?"

Exhibit A: The pragmatic guy who always has a wisecrack
His answer: Use them! They getting on your nerves?

Exhibit B: The intelligent guy who never fails to question the question
His answer: Who are these losers to begin with, and why call them losers?

Exhibit C: The doubtful, hypersensitive ex-boyfriend
His answer: Oh god. I hope you don't mean me.

You see? No one took my statement personally! Well, Exhibit C seemed like he did take it as a personal affront, suggesting that he thinks that I think that he is attracted to me (gosh what complexity) but he later on tried to redeem himself by saying "Of course I don't honestly think you're referring to me! Hopefully not, at the least. But what kind of losers?" So yes, it does seem like as if "ouch" is not a common response to the generic, world-weary kind of statement I made. When I went on to ask the Exhibits "What if someone said 'ouch'?", this is what they said.

Exhibit A: That's out of the point!
Exhibit B: He must be thinking you were referring to him. Haha. No surprise lah. (HMMM!)
Exhibit C: *some random response chock-full of assumptions and irrelevant contexts*

Is it safe to say that this guy has some modicum of interest in me? (Here's hoping that he doesn't find out about my blog. If he does, well... He might be glad to know that I'm not completely impervious to hints.)

So who am i ?

Hi , everyone first time doing up a blog in NUS for school work so a pretty new concept to me.

I am Hope, a 2nd year student studying Project and Facilities Management (SDE). I wanted something more fun , thought provoking and writing based where my opinions are valued , thus this module.

Why this specific uni town writing module? The way that the different genders communicate does intrigue me for outside of school , I am working in a environment of largely males.  I have come to have a fair share of personal experiences with males , be it at work or in my personal life , of the miscommunication that arises between the genders due to the way we communicate. I want know clarifications and answers to this interesting social phenomenon.

So what do I expect? Fun , explosion of ideas and further insights into this subject. I guess that's what we are all looking forward to :]